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Advice, Articles and Memos
from Miss Betsy
Thanks to all my fans for your intelligent questions & cute cards, and for all of your letters and pictures. Keep sending them to me, and I will share them here. You can find my recent posts below.
 We just got a new video camera so we can take pictures of the fires here at the store, and show our customers what they really look like. Karen was on the floor trying to get a nice closeup of the PRESIDENT gas stove, and before she could get the camera in the right spot, I showed up to join in. It's also hard to know what I'm really like if you can't see me being my real self. Click the picture at left to see me in action.
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| Happiness & Success
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Dear Miss Betsy,
What are the true secrets to happiness and success? -AAT
Dear AAT,
My approach to success is doing the common things in life in an uncommon way.
The secret to happiness is making others know they are the cause of it. -Miss Betsy
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| Dog Companions
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 Dear Miss Betsy,
Another year has come and gone and I still don't have a wife to spend Christmas with. What advice can you offer on finding my true love? -Loveless in Long Island
Dear Loveless,
Have you considered getting a dog instead?
1. You can pick from all the dogs available, and know that it will love you unconditionally.
2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
4. A dog's parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.
7. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
8. Dogs don't mind if you pick out their clothes.
9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask "If I died, would you get another dog?"
10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and sell them.
11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.
13. Dogs actually like riding in your pickup truck.
14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.
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| Update on Miss Kitty Lou
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 Dear Miss Betsy,
How is Miss Kitty Lou?
-Myrtle
Dear Myrtle,
Miss Kitty Lou has lost her hearing and begun to play strange games. Her favorite is waiting in the dark for us to come home and rushing head on into the headlights to greet us. My job is to get out of the car first now and lead her to her spot on the patio, safely away from the driveway. She also cries to be fed, and forgets within seconds that her bowl has already been filled.
Thankfully she has also forgotten her old game, where she would purr and entice me to come closer, lovingly rub against me then turn on me viciously and smile gleefully as I ran away screaming. When considering how Alzheimers affects those we love (cats do get Alzheimers too), I think they are sometimes happier once some of those memories are gone, and we get to know their true and loving soul. To test your own memory, try and think of what was worrying you a year ago today; chances are that you can't and you are happier now because of it.
-Miss Betsy |
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| One Eye is Beautiful!
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 Dear Miss Betsy,
As you know, I had an unfortunate meeting with another dog that resulted in me losing my right eye, and spent some time at the store while I was recovering. I'm getting used to life with one eye, but I am self-conscious about whether people I meet will still find me handsome. How do I approach new friends now that I look different?
-Uncle Benny
Dear Uncle Benny,
Beauty is the first gift nature gives us, and the first it takes away, so you must rely on your strength of character and all you have to offer as you grow older and wiser. Beauty is in what's around you; it's not who you are. The fact that you are still here brings beauty to my world, and to all of us who love you.
My typist reminds me that being young is beautiful, but getting old is more comfortable. Also she asked me to remind you that us little folks shouldn't be too scrappy. - Betsy |
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| Visit From a Grand Lady
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 Dear Miss Tootie, thanks so much for coming to buy a fireplace today. You are so graceful and beautiful, it is hard to imagine that you are almost 119 in dog years! Please tell me: what is your secret to maintaining your beauty and agility? -Betsy (click photo to enlarge)
Dear Miss Betsy, a lady attains the age she deserves. I live a pampered life; I leave the table scraps for my dad to eat, I take rides in the car to visit new people and places, I cuddle a lot and I get plenty of extra sleep. I try to make new friends where ever I go, because those who love deeply are forever young. -Tootie
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| Thanksgiving Fishing Trip
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 Dear Miss Betsy,
I really missed you over the long weekend. How did you spend this Thanksgiving?
-Karen
Dear Karen,
I went to Cape Hatteras to visit my grandparents. The weather was beautiful and I helped my dad catch this awesome striper, then I kissed him to thank him for joining us for dinner.
My Granny is a great hunter too; she came out of a brightly lit building with a huge turkey, ham and all kinds of great food that we enjoyed for our Thanksgiving dinner.
-Miss Betsy
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| Tricki Woo
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 Betsy, I came all the way to town with my parents to help them pick out a fireplace. Can't you make some room for me up on that sofa? - Tricki Woo
Tricki, my mom shares the same habit as Mr. Herriot, which is to bore me with endless stories over lunch, day after day, as she rations morsels of food she deems not truly suitable for me to eat. After lunch I no longer need endure this torture, and spend my winter afternoons here on the sofa at work where I may both absorb the warmth of the fires and watch who is entering the parking lot. To have you join me may block me from one or the other of my favorite indulgences.
Since you could reach it, please bring me a piece of that chicken on the desk, and I'll consider moving over so we may share a snack and the fire. -Miss Betsy
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| About Babies
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 Dear Miss Betsy,
My mom and dad have told me we're having a baby. Will they still love me too?
-Lucy Lou
Dear Lucy Lou,
Please do not worry over your treasured position in your family! People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one, so please take extra naps now because you'll need your rest after the baby arrives. Besides, a kid can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down. -Miss Betsy
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| How to Hug a Baby
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Dear Miss Betsy,
The baby has arrived, and we named him Jeffrey. I actually liked him the first time I saw him, though the noise has been a bit to get used to. However, I thought I might share these tips with your readers, because hugging the baby has been an unexpected joy to me.
Instructions for Properly Hugging a Baby
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First, locate the baby. He may be surrounded by soft toys that you would love to play with. Please don't, it makes the parents mad if you slobber on the baby's toys.
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Second, be sure that the object you spied was indeed a baby by employing classic sniffing techniques. If you smell baby powder and the wonderful aroma of wet diapers among the toys, this is the baby. Our baby is usually dressed in blue.
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It is best not to flatten the baby before actually beginning the hugging process.
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Put on a cute outfit because those baby clothes are tough competition.
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Curl around baby and prepare for inevitable close-up; a camera will quickly appear.
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Execute the difficult and patented "hug, smile, and lean" maneuver in order to achieve the best photo quality.
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Try to get some of that baby powder smell on you (my parents seem to love this fragrance).
Dear Lucy Lou,
Thank you for your timely advice! Jeffrey, like all humans big and small, must realize that the dog's admiration is conclusive evidence that he is truly wonderful. -Miss Betsy
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| Cleaning Cats & Toilets
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Dear Miss Betsy,
I just moved into an old house and can't get the toilet bowl clean. Do you have any tips for cleaning porcelain potties?
-Ms. Untidy Bowl
Dear UB:
Another reader sent me a method that I found helpful:
1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. (You may need to stand on the lid).
4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet; the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet 3 or 4 times. This provides a "power wash" and "rinse".
6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.
Here is a picture of Fluffy, the cat next door. I invited him over for a bath last Saturday and he LOVED it. -Miss Betsy
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| Meet Deanna
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My new friend & customer, Deanna, is an enormously talented pet portrait painter. (Don't tell my mom but I'm thinking of surprising her with a great big portrait of me that she can hang over my favorite fireplace here in the store, so that if my friends stop by to visit on my day off then they'll barely know I'm gone).
You've just got to see Deanna's cool website 4
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Miss Betsy shares more advice on the NEXT PAGE
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| About Miss Betsy
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Miss Betsy's Column
Miss Betsy offers a wealth of help and advice on nearly any subject, and musings on the world as seen from 7 inches above ground level. She is still learning about fireplaces and chimneys, but she's an expert on nearly any other subject.
E-Mail your questions and check her column for her answers.
Miss Betsy occasionally answers e-mail personally but does prefer to post all replies to her column, where they can be enjoyed by others who may share in her wisdom.
Miss Betsy lives with her mom and dad, Mike and Karen, out in the country but works in the city at the fireplace store on most days. We found her on top of these boxes and don't know how she got up there since they're more than 3' tall AND had a fireplace sitting in front of them. She usually works as the "Greeter" and lap warmer in the showroom but she sneaks into the warehouse any time she gets a chance.
In her spare time Betsy proudly serves as a "helper dog" for her cousin Aymie and can pull her wheel chair on relatively flat surfaces. If you pass her on Broad Street, please have patience and let her cross, even if the light in your direction is green. Miss Betsy is color blind so Aymie is helping to teach Betsy about traffic rules, thus Aymie is also in training as a "helper person" for Betsy.
We're a dog friendly business and Betsy loves to meet new friends, so bring your pal in with you if you're in the neighborhood!
» About service animals in places of business
MORE Miss Betsy
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Miss Betsy's Doggy Bag Restaurant Reviews
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| Miss Kitty Lou
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This is my big sister, Miss Kitty Lou. She is not amused about the cat bath and is no longer speaking to me. I actually love cats, but Miss Kitty Lou gets so mad when I lick her face that she smacks me, and then we both get in trouble. I am always nice to Miss Kitty but sometimes she won't play nicely, even though I've explained that I am the boss, and she NEVER lets me get in this house just because it's HERS.
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| What type of Dog are You?
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What kind of dog would you be?
Lots of dogs think they're people. But if you were a dog, what breed of dog would you be?
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